Killara Bingles open letter to Michael Clarke

Attracting a lot of attention

The Killara Bingles is a North Shore cricket club that has been trying to attract the attention of Michael Clarke since he announced his retirement. They believe that they have a spot for Clarkey in their side when they play cricket this summer. They’re just waiting for his response…

(The note from Facebook)

We write to you in the wake of your recent retirement from test cricket with a proposal. A proposal that beats a potential stint with the IPL, that beats a dabble in commentary with Ian Healy and the boys, and marginally beats spending sunny Summer Saturday’s at home with your smoking hot wife and soon to be new family. We are writing in the hope that you will consider the Killara Bingles Cricket Club for your final hoorah in the world of cricket, and there a multitude of reasons why you should do this.

Monetarily, we can’t offer much. We know how lucrative a stint in the IPL would be, and while we’re not sure what Shane Warne is making for his audacious attempts at commentary, we do know it’ll be more than what we can put on table. What we can offer you however, is this: a green demon for every 5 runs you score, much to Warneys delight, and some fresh sliced watermelon between innings to keep you sprightly. We’ve also got team nutritionist and supplementation officer Ricky Ponting on board for all your vitamin needs in case you’re ever feeling tired and/or stressed. We can confirm you’ll feel better on Suisse.

We feel like your wide skill set and experience would be valued as a Bingle, and we’ve currently got you pencilled in to replace Whitto at 5 (@Ben Whitford). We would offer you the captaincy, but our skipper Nick Pluss takes that role more seriously than he takes his job, and he also demands we refer to him as Pup, so we may just have to call you Clarkey for the time being. We are aware of what you can do with the ball as well, but we’ve got an entire team of part timers so there’s enough tripe being tossed up as it stands.

What we will value however, is your test experience and level headedness. Our fierce rivals, the Kirribilli Crusaders. May or may not tremble at the sight of Clarkey walking out to bat for us, but they will certainly tremble when you tell them to “get ready for a broken ****** arm”.

As for our team name, the Killara Bingles, we apologise if this causes any offence, we were young, dumb and full of runs when we came up with it and will be all ears for any suggested name change that you come up with. Suitable replacements that we have come up with include the St Ivan Milats, the the Kuringai Sebastians, the Pymble Cosbys, the Waitara Reids or the Hornsby Yoncès.

In summary Mick, It would be an honour to have you pad up for the mighty Bingles in the upcoming season, and we can promise you a fun year filled with above average banter and very below average cricket.

Yours in the pursuit of runs,
The Bingler.

More details about the Killara Bingles can be found on their web page and on Facebook.

About Mike 314 Articles
As publisher of The Kuringai Examiner, I have an interest in all things on the North Shore, particularly news, sport and food. I'm always on the outlook for something unique and original to bring to my readers.